Monday, January 10, 2011

One day at a time....

My blog is my journal.  A place where I unravel and 'process' - always agonizing overlong on most posts - tweaking, refurbishing and generally driving myself nuts.
My ever cautious Beloved (with the ultra private personality) often wonders aloud what possesses me to disclose so much of myself to just ... anybody.
But I simply replicate the now famous words of my late mother:  that's just the way it is.
Apparently, many of mom's friends were also keenly aware of her decidedly firm state of mind on most issues - and somehow after the funeral, there was this old adage circulating...something about an apple not falling far from its tree.  :)
So if I must, I shall wear that mantle with both pride and humility - if such an oxymoronic style exists.

I hope someday to have my daughter teach me how to convert this blog into a hardcover book, and then snippets of my earthly sojourn will remain on a dusty shelf in our home library for any interested persons of posterity.
The reader will know one thing for sure - for good or for bad, I'm an open book.
My hubby groans reading this over my shoulder.
The reader will know one other thing for sure - the discovery (in the past thirty years) of a divine sense of humour, living with my well/cleverly appointed other half.  I could write a book about that.
Hence the groaning.

So.  The next stage of my journey will be coming to terms of an earthly life without mom nearby.
I thought I'd feel run over by a truck by now.  But no.  I thought maybe I'd just feel empty.  But no.
... At least not yet.
I feel too grateful to God for His overwhelmingly specific and speedy answer to our prayer(s) - for giving us the enormous privilege of waving her off on the riverbank - for bringing Nicole back into her life before having to leave it behind - for the realization of how rich she was in faithful, affirming friendship...
On Sunday, I could re-connect with my own church family - and then ultimate dessert!.... reveling in the company of my preschool peeps over dinner 
and a delightfully squishy viewing of the Curious George Movie on laptop. 
(Laptop just took on a whole new meaning :) 
My conclusion thus far?  It's not a crime against mom to 'enjoy' these first days of mourning.
On the contrary, I will 'credit' her by attempting to adopt her hard-won conviction of Matthew 6:34:
Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  
Each day has enough trouble of its own. 
Yep.  One day at a time.  
Walk by faith, not sight.